


Cupid de Locke

by caffeinechesters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 01:15:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14485590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinechesters/pseuds/caffeinechesters
Summary: A series of one-sided "I love you" and the one that counts.





	Cupid de Locke

**Author's Note:**

> The title is totally from the title from the Smashing Pumpkins.

The first time Dean told Sam that he loved him was when Sam was a baby, swaddled in Mary’s arm at the hospital. Dean could only see a little peek of ruddy skin and blue-hazel eyes underneath the blanket, but he swore to both Mary and John he’d be the best big brother (after he got over that he was going to have a sibling). Ever night he’d help Mary tuck Sam into his crib, pressing a kiss onto his forehead. Six months later and their worlds are turned upside down: Dean sees his mother burning on the ceiling, Sam crying in arms, and the life he had burned to ashes. He barely spoke afterwards, except a hoarse whisper every night “Night Sammy. I love you.”

Over the years, the “I love you” that Dean use to whisper into Sam’s hair as an infant morph into “Bitch” and “Jerk” by the time Dean hits his teens. Sam will never admit it aloud, but he misses being told he’s loved. Moreso after Sam realizes he loves Dean more than a brother should. Sam wonders if Dean stopped when he realized that he loved him more than a brother. Sam buried that thought deep and instead focused on leaving hunting to go college.

Sam’s dream of being a lawyer with a wife and a white picket fence goes up in flames; instead he crawls into the passenger seat with his big brother who is still everything Sam wants. They find John after months of searching only to lose him soon after. The L word is on the tip of Sam’s tongue when Dean woke up only to swallow it down when John died a few rooms down.

It’s in Cold Oak when Sam hears the words “I love you Sammy. Don’t leave me” from Dean. It’s whispered into the mess of hair, just like when they children in a cramped twin bed of a motel room. Sam feels his body relax and everything fades away.

Broward County’s Mystery Spot is when Sam tells Dean he loves him every day for months. Each day, Dean does not remember it. After the 100th Tuesday, Sam gave up when Dean slipped on an edge of the comforter when he told that he loved him more than a brother. He is not sure what was worst: the look on Dean’s face or sound of Dean’s skull shattering.

Sam cradles Dean’s body after his deal came due, covered in his brother’s blood, whispering “I love you Dean.. I’ll save you”. Bobby finds them and curses whatever entity that made those two so bound to each other but so oblivious.

The apocalypse starts with Dean rising from the grave and ends with Sam swan dive into the Cage. Both are bruise-sore. Both feel that they will never be enough for the other. Dean stands in the Stull cemetery wishing for another chance to tell Sam that he really did love him. Sam is in the cage, cold fire engulfing him, wishing for the same thing.

Soulless Sam does not understand Sam’s love, but he still feels that pang of emotion when he’s near Dean. It’s an affront to Soulless Sam that Sam would give up so much power and control and freedom just out of duty, love, and family. Dean loves Sam, even if this one acts more like a robot and pisses him off with the lack of empathy. Soulless Sam think that he doesn’t want his soul back when hears of Dean dying to bargain with Death; if the soul is that irrational, of love can cause that much destruction, he would rather kill the man he once thought of as his father than that.

Things getter better, then worse, and finally after years of bad luck, they find the bunker. There is no world-ending apocalypse on the horizon. Dean is still a little rough from purgatory, but they are both there, together. Sam watches Dean nest: settling into his room, adding personal touches, and cooking for the both of them. It’s the whole domestic situation that finally makes makes Sam crack first.

It’s after a dinner of pot roast with gravy, potatoes, green beans, and a salad at Sam’s request, that Sam decides that it’s time. Both of them are sitting in the library after dinner, Dean with a tumbler of whiskey in hand, when Sam clears his throat, heart pounding.

“Dean, I love you, more than any brother should,” Sam starts, “and I have for a long time. It’s not your fault Dean because I know you’re going to blame yourself. I don’t know, it just felt like the right time to say it.”

Dean looks confused by this revelation. Sam feels like fleeing from the library than to face Dean if he read the thing wrong. He turns and starts to head out when he hears Dean speak.

“You should know by now Sam how I feel,” Dean speaks, “I saw the way you looked at me and hated every single girlfriend I had in high school. I was just waiting for you to tell me. I couldn’t tell you because I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t guilting you.”

Sam turns around to face Dean and well, he feels like finally it may work out in their favor.


End file.
